Date: 09/05/17 - 03:30 am Title: Preface
under armour curry 3 nike huarache sale ferragamo belt cheap jordans light up shoes air jordan lacoste online shop yeezy boost 350 v2 adidas neo online shop true religion adidas nmd r1 nmd r1 tory burch shoes nike air max 90 air jordan shoes pandora charms retro jordans yeezy shoes longchamp handbags yeezy boost 350 v2 air yeezy cheap jordans adidas stan smith adidas nmd irving shoes kobe basketball shoes harden shoes adidas tubular x tory burch shoes longchamp outlet adidas ultra boost longchamp online shop nike air max michael kors handbags timberland outlet adidas neo shoes pandora uk true religion jeans nike air force patriots jersey led light up shoes yeezy links of london kobe shoes real jordans michael kors outlet store nike air zoom pegasus 32 adidas ultra boost 3.0 hogan outlet adidas superstar UK links of london huarache shoes michael kors handbags sale michael kors outlet store kobe 11 michael kors outlet adidas yeezy boost lebron 13 shoes timberland boots lebron 13 low michael kors factory outlet michael kors outlet longchamp christian louboutin shoes michael kors outlet store fitflops chrome hearts online cheap jordans nike kyrie 3 pandora jewelry kobe sneakers nike zoom timberland shoes nike air force 1 michael kors outlet curry 2 adidas ultra boost lebron shoes nike air force 1 low kobe shoes yeezy shoes longchamp handbags nike polo adidas stan smith uk fitflops sale stephen curry shoes adidas ultra boost 3.0 ultra boost 3.0 adidas stan smith men yeezy boost adidas ultra boost kobe 9 longchamp bags air max 95 longchamp yeezy boost 350 asics running shoes http://www.nikedunks.us.org hermes belts for men pandora jewelry adidas tubular basketball shoes michael kors outlet nike roshe one nike roshe run longchamp hogan outlet online yeezy shoes jordan shoes fitflops clearance nike dunks nike air force 1 high michael jordan shoes michael kors outlet online air jordans cheap jordans adidas superstar pandora charms air jordan new england patriots jerseys fitflops sale clearance air force ones kobe bryant shoes michael kors outlet online michael kors handbags kobe bryant shoes kobe basketball shoes louboutin shoes cheap jordan shoes hermes belt michael kors handbags patriots jerseys true religion uk lacoste sale longchamp bags reebok outlet nike air max 2016 huarache shoes nike air max 2017 yeezy boost 350 curry 3 air jordan shoes nike roshe run lacoste polo shirts lacoste outlet nike air zoom structure 19 nike huarache james harden shoes http://www.uggoutlet.uk hermes belt michael kors outlet online nike air zoom adidas tubular chrome hearts outlet adidas yeezy boost yeezy boost 350 jordan retro lebron james shoes air max michael kors outlet handbags michael kors outlet asics sneakers ultra boost cheap jordans lebron 14 jordan shoes true religion outlet nike roshe run one cheap basketball shoes adidas neo adidas stan smith women prada eyeglasses michael jordan shoes cheap jordans prada sunglasses yeezy boost ferragamo sale light up shoes nike huarache michael kors outlet online chrome hearts nike mercurial adidas stan smith michael kors outlet michael kors handbags chrome hearts adidas nmd nike huarache nike zoom michael kors outlet longchamp bags pandora bracelet nike lebron 14 nike roshe run links of london sale michael kors purses air max 90 michael kors outlet nike air force 1 adidas superstar pandora bracelet curry 3 adidas nmd r1 michael kors outlet yeezys jordans for cheap kobe 9 led shoes kyrie 3 nike mercurial vapor adidas yeezy boost adidas tubular UK kobe 11 adidas neo michael kors outlet store yeezy boost michael kors factory outlet longchamp handbags true religion jeans falcons jersey yeezy sneakers longchamp le pliage adidas nmd yeezy boost nike air force kyrie irving shoes basketball shoes lebron 13 atlanta falcons jersey nike air max95 roshe run lacoste
Date: 05/03/14 - 05:22 am Title: A/N: Acknowledgements, Deleted Scenes, Alt. Endings, etc.
What I was really scared of was a truly happy ending. Something sugar-coated, with everypony forgiving Rarity and her being on merrily the road to redemption. And I actually think it's yet another testament to your amazing talent, that you dangle the possibility of this utopian ending in our faces and then you snatch it away from us, as if to say, "Come on, you didn't REALLY think it would end like that, did you?"
On that note, you did something again, just like you did in Chapter 8 (Gingerbread House) that I thought was just SO effective. You took a scenario that was predictable and twisted it around, first to make the scene feel as if it is not as horrific as I was led to believe coming in, only to hit me with an action from Rarity - actually manipulating a happy moment for her own purposes. In that other chapter, Cadence and her foal actually survived what should've killed them...but that only made the whole scene more painful in the long run when Rarity drags it out. In the final chapter, Rarity is offered forgiveness and exoneration by Cadence, and a chance at renewal and TRUE love from Applejack...and the fact that she pushes it all away, even continuing to lie and be evil in the face of purity and love, makes the scene itself is a deception. It actually leaves me feeling cheated of a hope - it's not just sad, it's cruel.
I don't understand why you think this conclusion would not have been a conclusion I'd have wanted! It's not a "happy ending" at all - it merely displays the faint mirage of a happy ending that never happens. Rarity even recognizes the love and the forgiveness she has shown, and she has a sense that she even knows that it is exactly what she needs to cure the madness in her mind, but she chooses not to accept it because she knows it is not what she deserves.
With regards to your afterthoughts, I am stunned at the symbolism behind your characters, and I am especially amazed now that I've realized Rarity has actually used others' love as a weapon this whole time. (Incidentally, I'm also a Phoenix Wright fan, so I love your reference to Morgan Fey.)
Even the editing job impresses me. The ending you've chosen is perfect - Alt. End 1 feels like a bit too much of a sharp turn in AJ's character, and Alt. End 2 just feels a bit too far out of left field. If those endings are in print somewhere, though, I'd still love to read them. Quite frankly, I'd love to read ANYTHING else you can write - one-shot clops and all.
This has been such a compelling read. It is an incredible fic, and I really don't know if I'll ever look at Rarity, Applejack, Shining Armor, or even Cadence the same way ever again. I want this fic featured right now - it deserves WAY more attention than it is getting on this site. You're one of the only writers I've seen who's actually been able to haunt me with how good you are at your writing.
And thank you so much for your acknowledgement, even if you did misspell my username a teensy bit. :) It's been a real pleasure following along and offering my words - I hope it was useful and encouraging.
I will be eagerly on the lookout for anything else you may be able to conjure up. Thank you so much once again.
Date: 03/03/14 - 02:38 am Title: Chapter 9: Then Strikes Midnight
You had me absolutely floored with this chapter. With your writing here I seriously have to think that you a graduate student in English - your writing is so beautiful and descriptive, but it's so effortless, and you know the exact significance of every single word you choose.
What impressed me the most with this chapter, however, was the way you did the scene with Fluttershy. You are so good at delving into Rarity's mind and making every one of her thoughts come alive, but you showed here that you're just as good as shifting over to Fluttershy and telling things from the perspective of a much quieter character.
Fluttershy's thoughts are short, simple, and scathing. She says NOTHING but the MOST painful and honest sentences - "I have nothing to say to you." "There's no misunderstanding." "I don't want to be your friend." This is a real testament to you as a writer - even as you're making Rarity babble on and on in her excitement and terror and passion and sorrow, you have Fluttershy here to tell us that in these massive descriptive paragraphs, you KNOW what the most important sentences are, and you can pull them out for us.
There are two moments here that I thought were truly heartwrenching: One, where Pinkie has Rarity understand that she actually loves Applejack, and the other, where Rarity sees herself as a filly in the mirror. These are the moments of regret and anguish for Rarity - moments where I realize that this whole story is just so tragic. I've mentioned in my last review that this whole insatiable feeling of greed and lust and power is a demon to Rarity, something that she truly doesn't want inside of her, but that is just an uncontrollable flaw like a mental syndrome that can never be cured.
To make this review fair, however, I do want to add a constructive point or two. I really liked that it was Pinkie's alternate persona that eventually woke up Rarity - it almost feels a bit like she and Twilight had studied a bit more forensics together after the "MMMMystery" episode. Pinkie's shift, however, was a little jarring to me. I know she is much more mature and intelligent in her alternative persona, but it still felt like a bit too much of a shift, as she suddenly changed her vocabulary to be very similar to Rarity's in conversation.
The other thing is the ending. I'm now seriously a bit worried that the conclusion to this story will be too happy. I have always mentioned that I want things to end horribly for Rarity, and now, maybe I feel a little less extreme in that sense, seeing as though Rarity is truly being plagued by a demon here. Still, however, I am worried that the conclusion may be too neat and gentle a resolution. This is such a dark, edgy, brutal fic, and to me it needs to be a real wake-up call, a real morality tale for us readers.
So many times before in ponyfics, it has been shown that "friendship is magic." So many times, the stories end with good triumphing over evil, and with friendship calming the hearts of villains and monsters. If you can pull it off here, and do it in a way such that we don't forget the monster that Rarity had become, and in a way that we can feel that Rarity is not cured, or purified, I will be truly impressed.
I love this story. It is a real stunner...so gripping, so haunting, and so powerful. And I am so happy to see that brony writers are willing to take this kind of passion for writing and apply it like this, to Equestrian characters, and create something so chilling and so convincing and so real. But I really hope that when all is said and done, this fairy tale does not have a utopian "happily ever after" ending.
That is all - thank you so much once again for all your hard work, and I will see you again in the final chapter.
Date: 08/01/14 - 05:13 am Title: Chapter 8: Gingerbread House
It's 2am right now, I've spent all day studying for my upcoming CPA exam section (as I have every day for the past week), and I'm probably not thinking straight, but here goes.
I love your writing. I love what you've done with this story. I love how you've taken all the characters and made them shine.
But wow, at the end of this chapter, we arrive at the scene described in the preface. I must admit that first I thought that entire chapter was just a dream - and the more I read, the more I wished that were truly the case.
And now, I felt only one emotion throughout this entire chapter: heartbreak. I can't remember the last time I felt this sad from reading a chapter of ponyfiction.
The fact that Cadence and the foal didn't die upon impact actually makes everything that much worse...you didn't even need a bunch of gory details, but after shocking me with the last cliffhanger you just twisted the knife even more. The way she was trapped in a torturous limbo, long enough for Rarity to continue to soak in her suffering, long enough for Shining Armor to say a tearful goodbye that's partly a confession, and long enough for her to get out a desperate cry of both sorrow and concession that Rarity just tosses aside.
All of this and then the sex. It's been getting less and less pleasant to read but at this point there isn't a moment of pleasure to be had - no romance and no sensuality, just a scene that is crass, painful, loveless, and violent. If there was ever any mutual enjoyment the two of them had it is completely gone now...for Shining Armor it is an act of hatred, fury, incredulity, sheer disbelief at what Rarity has done to him...and for Rarity it exists as a treatment for an uncontrollable craze she has.
And Applejack...Rarity sees her and there is no guilt, no apology. Instead, she stares right at Applejack and tells her with her act: "This is me, a depraved mess of a mare, and I'm a filthy creature that you fell in love with." To me, the image of Rarity fellating Shining Armor while staring right at Applejack is the most powerful in the whole story because it sums up everything so well.
The breakup with Applejack...devastating. That's the only word I have for it. So hurtful. It just gives the kind of shock that makes you wonder if any of it really happened at all. And the aftermath...it makes me wonder if Rarity is literally possessed by a demon. Like this lust for Shining Armor is something she completely wants out of her system. She doesn't look like she enjoys any of it but she knows she needs to keep feeding that hunger inside of her, no matter what the costs may be.
Ironic that I read this chapter right around the release of the first Rarity episode in three seasons to really show the generosity within her heart. I still love her character in the show, just as much as I love everypony. But here, she is the best villain I've ever read in a ponyfic, and I'm only wondering now what'll be going through her mind at the end of it all - hopefully she'll have plenty of time to ponder and reflect as she's burning alive.
Well done, you magnificent bastard. You outdid yourself again, and by all means, keep it coming. I can't wait to see what's left.
Date: 04/11/13 - 02:48 am Title: Preface
okay, this review is going to be very blunt and full of my ramblings.
first of all, I love this story. Not since reading "A Tryst at Midnight" have I felt any connection at all to a clopfic.
secondly, you are a god among men, I clicked this story expecting mindless clop as usual but I was rewarded by a much more refined story
that has enthralled me for hours on end. It's midnight now and i've been reading since about 9am. I simply cannot get enough. This story inspired me to finish my own and launch my "Of Iron and Steam" Steampunk series that has been hiatused in the second editing phase for about a month. Keep up the good work. This is so far the only romance story I have ever found worth reading, as most simply depress me. I hope to god you make more, your work is so high quality I feel as though I'm stealing from you as I read this masterpiece for free.
In closing I apologize for the errors in formatting, I'm in my bed, on my phone, with hot cider in one hand and a phone in the other trying to maintain my composure and not dive into reading more. I'm saving this story to my phone. I can't not have it.
Date: 31/10/13 - 12:16 am Title: Chapter 4: Rumplestiltskin
I should throw this in while I remember. While every conversation in this story is truly convincing and often times frightening, Rarity's "plastics" monologue in this chapter is simply epic. :D
I do have a question though...perhaps I glanced over it by mistake, but where is Sweetie Belle in all this? Does she actually have a role that I don't know about yet?
Thanks for the reviews Vook, i really appreciate it.
As for your question, Sweetie Belle was a Wild Card during the first few chapters of this fic. The fact that she barely appeared and/or was barely mentioned was intended since it was pivotal for the role she was meant to play in the 1st planned ending. Unfortunately, that 1st planned ending is scrapped for a new (and hopefully better) one. Sweetie Belle's eventual apperance from the fic is overall removed.
Date: 30/10/13 - 11:43 pm Title: Chapter 7: What Big Teeth You Have
My God. I read through this whole story in the past 24 hours. It's awesome.
I had a few minor complaints before but I have none now...you made a references to MacBeth along the way and all I can say is that THAT is how I hope it ends for Rarity. I actually love Rarity - she's one of my my favorite of the Mane 6 - but you've done just an incredible job at making her a cruel, manipulative, evil bitch. By this point she's turned almost all of her friends against each other and I can only hope that she gets her head lopped off in the end after her whole world comes crashing down. The dialogue between each pony is just gut-wrenching, and it's all the more effective when somepony sneds out a spark of kindness or realization that strikes Rarity by surprise for just one moment before she throws it aside and just lets her tragic flaw of rancor take the stage.
You are an English literature student, are you not? The dialogue, the monologues, the narrations, the symbolism, the imagery...all of it carries just the right mood for every scene, ranging from serenely beautiful (Applejack's castle), to animalistic and dirty, to just plain nasty and brutal. Even the snuggling scenes with Applejack - particularly in the castle scene - are truly comforting and heartwarming, and that is a feeling that is just so welcomed and so striking given that it's right in the midst of one of the most coldhearted ponyfics I've ever read.
You say that you specialize in tragedy - Shakespearean tragedy, I would wager - and I only hope that story will ultimately come full circle in the end as it stays true to the dark ways of the human heart. That may be the only bit of advice I have left - that Rarity's ways may play themselves out until she's got no more relationships to sever, and then, may karma bite her in the flank.
Date: 28/10/13 - 12:26 am Title: Chapter 2: The Poisoned Apple
I'm only up through the third chapter, and I just wanted to say, I'm really surprised you don't have any reviews here. You clearly spent a lot of time on this, and I've found it to be really convincing so far. You think really hard about every line, and what every pony is saying with regards to the situation. I especially like how you described Rarity's gradual loss of inhibition throughout this chapter - how she went from being her typical social butterfly to sinking more and more into her desires and needs.
Two words of advice: You could use a snazzier title (in fact the story's title may be part of the reason why it hasn't gotten more attention yet), and then there was that one moment in Chapter 1 where you infer that Rarity feels Spike is immature. I do get that Rarity has her sights set on Canterlot royalty, but even in this story, it doesn't feel right that she would deny how she truly adores Spike and doesn't think to look down on him. Even if that wasn't your intention...it still came off as just an OOC lapse in what is otherwise a VERY accurate depiction of Rarity's persona.
Overall, I'm definitely enjoying this and I'll quickly get back to reading more.