Date: 19/04/18 - 03:25 am Title: Chapter 1
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Date: 28/03/12 - 10:06 am Title: Chapter 1
As this only has a half star, I'm sure the other two reviews have told you what they think, and I'm sure that they agree that your writing style is less than satisfactory. Capitalization and punctuation are key to a good writing style, without those no matter what you write, nopony will like it. I personally don't like the fact this was just a sex scene followed by a murder scene and that it took place in only a few hours, and only took me about 3 minutes to read. But, I can't tell you what to write about. I can say capitalize names, punctuate where it needs to be, and give a backstory. Few ponies read stories just to see somepony die after having sex. I don't know if you've writen anything else, but if you do, make sure to follow those simple rules. After that, I could leave a better review on what you have done.