Date: 02/09/11 - 06:22 pm Title: Chapter 1
In one word: Hilarious.
Date: 01/09/11 - 08:29 am Title: Chapter 1
Not bad. But I found several places where you used the wrong pronoun. A few spelling and grammar mistakes also kept pulling me out of the story. It's always best to double and triple read a story to make sure that you catch as many mistakes as possible.