Date: 26/04/13 - 04:25 pm Title: Giggling Gaggling Mares
What a read! I can't believe you managed to go in-depth with the topic of pregnancy, a topic most writers try to avoid.
The ONLY problem I had with the entire story was how it seemed like more and more possibilities opened up, and before long, I found myself running out of chapters to read. I guess what I'm trying to say is I expected it to drag out a bit longer. However, I simply love how you ended the story. It got exactly what it called for, a happy ending.
Date: 12/03/13 - 02:29 pm Title: Giggling Gaggling Mares
Wow those reviews are long...
Well, I finally got around to reading this story from start to finish, and it seemed to be written rather well. As mentioned before however, there were a few encoding errors on PA's part, but it didn't really ruin up the story too much, or at all really.
Next topic: The characters.
They were mostly in character and seemed to have wonderful conversations. My particular rule is you are allowed 2 OOCs and 1OC per 5000 words, so that worked out! You might want to practice writing OCs though, as you didn't seem to be very good at it.
Overall though, a wonderful story that certainly deserves a 10/10. Sequel maybe?
Date: 06/12/12 - 08:40 pm Title: Giggling Gaggling Mares
Even after thinking Adventures of a Teenage Foalsitter by BronyStories had been totally ideal for a come-for-clop-stay-for-plot (and maybe the rear-end plot, too), you still managed to lift me off my feet. I noticed myself yelling "OHHHH SHIT" out loud during plot twists/exciting moments, and the buildups to each of those moments were executed wonderfully. I found myself spending two entire days reading this monsterously beautiful story, and ended up reading far more than I did clop. I actually had to stop clopping just to keep reading-you're a great writer!
Now, I should mention the things that bugged me about the story. There was the occasional typo detracting from the story. It might just be an encoding error on ponyfanfictionarchive, but it is still something worth considering looking into. Fortunately, it did not harm the overall intent.
Also,I did feel the characters were a bit OOC, though considering the fact that nearly all of them were new to these kinds of situations (see: Big Mac, Fluttershy), I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.
The encounter with Chrysalis/Discord was also a lot more anti-climactic than I had expected, which was rather disappointing. I did, however, like how the story was (almost) deux-ex-machina, I do prefer comedies over tragedies. It's a shame Rarity's story never got resolved though. She was continually depressed, and the story just kinda ends with that as a cop-out'ey note. A little more enlightenment on her depression would be nice (or presumably this is potentially a cliff-hanger for a new arc/post-series story?).
Final Thoughts: Without going in circles, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, the morals really got me re-imagining the way I view relationships in the real world, and I'm sure it's touched upon many others too. The gaps in the story I had while reading were eventually explained, save for the aforementioned drawbacks the story had. I'm not going to lie, this is my new favorite fanfic in the pony fandom, both clop and non-clop (The chapter titles are genius for both double-meanings and sexual puns, by the way). Here's to hoping you make another fic in the future! (I'd love to see a fic on Rainbow Dash/Applejack's wedding. Really!) 10/10, will comment, rate, subscribe, etc
P.S. Considering the backstory given from Pinkie Pie and the resolution at the end of the story, I'd assume she'd no longer be the hyper Pinkie we all know and love?
Date: 27/10/12 - 07:03 pm Title: Dear Princess Celestia
*Applauds* Now this was a nice surprise. All of the letters were written so well in-character that I could hear them reading it! I do hope that Rarity can find happiness again.
Will you be writing the wedding? I look forward to it if so =)
Date: 21/10/12 - 10:53 pm Title: No Secrets Amongst Close Friends
Another absolutley amazing chapter. I'm sorry if my reviews seem shorter now but most of my prior thoughts from the long catch up have already been laid out. ANYWHO, onto this chapter.
It was great how you got everyone to start talking about babies- and very naturally done, *applause*- to make Twilight uncomfortable. I was about to say how interested I was in Pinkie's sudden touchy-feelyness that everyone else noticed, and about to say that I must have overlooked something in previous chapters, but as i typed that I remembered the capture and the false-Pinkie.
FINALLY some insight into Rainbow Dash's family. I was waiting for this and you kept on teasing me. Thank you so much <3 But then you have to go and kill the fun by not letting Applejack curbstomp Doctor Shrink. Ah well, I guess I can't have -all- of my wishes come true in one chapter, haha. I must admit to giggling as Rarity told her story and the way she had to keep verifying it was "that" kind of something, haha.
Aaaaaaaand Applejack's reaction to the pregnancy is, thus far, the biggest surprise of the chapter. But I'm ever so glad she's excited about it. She needs some cheer after all you've put her through.
Ohhhhh snap, Pinkie Pie blurts about the kiss and- WOAH Chrysallis is exposed much sooner than expected. I don't think its gonna help the Applejack/Rainbow Dash problem she caused, but I'd suspect it would put that to the side for a few minutes to deal with the real shiz goin down.
Two princesses, a pissed off Twilight, and such an avid mix of love and hate inthe air I'm wondering how Chrysallis will fare.
Did that rhyme?
Hmmmmmmmmm, I like the aspect of how the problem was resolved but I can't help but say it felt rushed. I'm terribly sorry if this is a rain on your parade and I CERTAINLY hope you're not trying to bring the whole story to a swift conclusion.
Date: 14/10/12 - 11:15 am Title: A True Blessing
Twilight wakes up feeling sick? MORNING SICKNESS ZOMG!!! SHE'S PREGGERS! Aaaaand, yes, the doctor confirms my guess. Knowing Big Mac, he'll be pleased. Unless the foal is Braeburn, then things could get mighty interestin', hehehe. *Skims through Pinkie Pie/Dr Shrink* Oooo, Twilight's gonna break the news....and Big Mac cries =O Color me surprised! Then you hit me with a crying Pinkie Pie. Thats soooooo sad. Aaaand of course she makes it funny in the end, hahaha! *secretly glad you didn't try to throw in a Discord/Pinkie Pie moment*
Date: 07/10/12 - 11:37 am Title: Guiltier Than Sin
Response to your response: *Nod* I understand. You need whatcha need. I just hope that their pseudo-romance doesn't blossom into something permanent. My preferences for Fluttershy involve her falling for a more mainstream character, but again, tis your story.
I'm unloading more thoughts into this review as they come to me over time. Out of curiosity, are we ever going to find out about RD and AJ's parents? We have a good grip on Pinkie Pie's parents, given what the show provided and your excellent additions to the backstory, we have a vague idea about Fluttershy's parents which involve a lotof repressed memories thatare slowly starting to surface [am I wrong if I feel like her dad abused her more thanphysically and emotionally?] You gave us a great insight into Twilight with her parental issues [or at least her daddy issues, speaking of which are we going to witness a confrontation? Twilight's made an amazing recovery from her breakdown] And can I look forward to some parental clashing with Rarity? Her "down to earth" parents have been mentioned more than once in the story and it makes me very eager to see whats happening, though a loving, caring parental relationship would be nice for at least 1 of the mane six, don'tcha think? hahahaha!
Now for chapter 26 itself:
I'm glad to see that Rarity's making a recovery. It was an amusing turnaround how she had gone from almost offended at Big Mac's earlier suggestion to fantasizing about it. However, while I don't hate the BigMac/Twilight budding romance, I felt it was more...hmmmm.....intimate? Heartfelt?....from Rarity. While I want Rarity to be happy, I don't want her to be over Twilight, so I guess that as a reader I won't be happy unless Rarity is with twilight, but to each their own and I'm not intending to sound so snooty. Just something that was on my mind. I'm also interested to see how Sweetie Bell reacts if and when she finds out that Rarity is in love with Twilight since she was the least open-minded of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, stating, if I recall, that "...my sister would probably be against it because it seems so wrong..." or something along those lines.
All I can say about the AJ/RD scene is "AWWWWWWW So precious!" and I grabbed some tissues for my tears.
Dun dun dun, I knew Mac was gonna have to talk to Twilight about it and I'm glad its going off [i]so[/i] well in the beginning of this section. Big Mac's feeling guilty, which is good since he deserves to feel like crap, and Twilight's obviously none too happy. Could this be the thing that breaks them up? I can only hope, but they seem to part company for the moment on good terms.
When Cotton Candy appeared I was terrified you were introducing a new OC, but then when she mentioned the alley I was thinking "OMG PINKEYS GONNA BE RAPED" and for a split second I imagined a side-plot where Pinkey and Spike become friends through talking about their trauma, but then the green flash made me realize the truth. I had totally forgotten about Chrysallis and Discord up until this point, bravo at leading me by the nose then tripping me up. Despite that poor imagery, I quite liked the trip.
Overall this was quite the splendid chapter. I'm more than a little impressed by the progression of relationships and plot, and I'm oddly satisfied with how you don't try to touch upon [i]every[/i] pony in every chapter. It breaks up the tedium and prevents you from getting into patterns and ruts. Keep up the fantastic work!