Date: 23/11/16 - 04:30 am Title: Chapter 1: The Arrival part 1
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Date: 11/10/14 - 02:32 am Title: Chapter 1: The Arrival part 1
I do have to agree with Everypony else but I still found it funny so I'm giving it 3 out of 5 stars. Also the whole thing with AJ that was funny. And yes this is random but could you read my storys? Let me k what you think. And suggestion for you- try to start a new paragraph every time someone is talking. Also I mostly have story's on normal not explicit so yea (except 1)
Date: 18/07/12 - 01:12 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Arrival part 1
look im new to the usage of computer words okay.Im not that good at grammar yet but I only do good at speaking. Ill try to do better next time. Pinkie Promise(or Royal promise, whichever Finn and Jake choose :D)
Date: 18/07/12 - 03:37 am Title: Chapter 2: The Arrival part 2
Honestly, this is a concept with not a lot of originality to it. The characters are depicted as bland, and the grammar really kills it. The paragraphs are also incorrectly broken up. The only thing really going for this is the spelling, and even then the verb tenses are wrong most of the time.
I could go on to say stuff like, "I wrote better when I was 13," however I am a LOT more lenient with writers who are just starting out.
The best advice I can give you right now is to look at some other highly-rated stories and simply study their word useage, how the perspectives affect the writing style, how the paragraphs are broken up, and, most importaintly in my oppinion, the use of complex words in place of simple words.
I wish you luck, and remember, unless you work with everything you have towards your story, chances are the story will turn out like, in lack of a better word, shit.
Work as hard as you can, and I wish you luck on your next story.
Date: 18/07/12 - 02:42 am Title: Chapter 1: The Arrival part 1
Bro, stop posting meaningless 5 star reviews on your own story, reply to reviews and stop boosting your own story. And I will "worry" about the grammar, it makes it harder to read and it doesn't flow as smoothly, it's not something you can simply look over.
i fixed chapters 1 and 2
Date: 17/07/12 - 06:34 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Arrival part 1
This is terrible, it needs proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, a flowing and clear plot, more detail, and above all, NEEDS TO SUCK LESS. You drop us right into the middle of a scene with no introduction at all.