Date: 10/10/14 - 12:03 am Title: An Eventful Evening
I enjoyed reading you exquisite story and Must say....well done I even enjoyed the bloody ravage of the rat....ohhh I enjoyed it to much...anyway the ending fucked me up pretty bad and can't wait till next chapter. Best regards
Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it. Sorry it took me so long to reply to your review, I couldn't access this site for a few weeks, I have no idea why. At any rate, the next chapter should be up soon.
Date: 25/03/14 - 01:52 am Title: Choices
I've been following this story for a while now and I have to say that your character progression for Behemoth is both grand and tragic. Just the madness that has been let lose from inside him in this one chapter has me impatiently waiting for the next. Keep up the great work.
Thanks, it's good to know folks are still enjoying my work, closing in on two years later. Again, thanks for reading.
Date: 15/10/13 - 04:39 pm Title: Just Another Day
When I discovered the Archive a couple months back, this was one of the first series I read. Marathoned, really. I'm glad to see that this 'In Progress' story is just that.
In the most recent chapter, I did think it funny, though totally in character, that Derpy doesn't drawn any conclusion about the equipment pulled from the chest. Seriously, she could have gotten the full story from Behemoth then and there!
Looking forward to the final act, BigDaddy.
Date: 15/05/13 - 12:47 pm Title: An Eventful Evening
I've only read chapter 1 but I wanted to offer some praise and some constructive criticism.
I like the character of Behemoth. Even in a short chapter you've established a lot about his personality and approach to the world. I also like that you haven't quickly revealed what's going on; mystery is important in this kind of story, and angry mobs are something most people want to see broken up and their source investigated. Well done!
My advice is to put this whole thing into Word (or similar) and run a spelling and grammar check on it. There are a lot of misspelled words and subject-verb agreement errors, and Word's checker will help a lot. Also be careful when you use nouns as adjectives - be consistent in your use and use them in a way that makes sense. (Example: "...keen pegasi vision..." should probably use "pegasus" instead, since pegasi is plural and you're not talking about a group.
All that said, I like how this is done and look forward to reading more. Thanks for posting your story, and keep on writing, revising, improving, and enjoying your craft!
Light and laughter,
Thanks for the feedback. Unfortunately, I don't have access to Word or any other similar system. I do my writing in note pad, and as such, even after a careful reread or two, the occasional spelling or grammatical error slips through. Acquiring such a system is on my list of things to do, there are just other things that have a more pressing demand on my somewhat limited funds. At any rate, thanks for reading, and, please, if you read the following chapters, share your thoughts. I alwasy appreciate even critical feedback, it can only make my works better.
Date: 28/04/13 - 03:27 am Title: An Eventful Evening
10,000 views. Ten. THOUSAND. Holy damn. I can honestly say, I wasn't expecting to reach this point at all, ever, when I first banged out chapter one. To everyone who's read, to those that keep coming back and those who have shared their thoughts and support. Thank you. It's not over yet. I still have quite a bit of story left ladies and gentlemen, or 'fillies and gentle colts' if you prefer. No, like Behemoth, I'm not done quite yet. Thanks again.
Date: 10/04/13 - 07:02 pm Title: An Eventful Evening
I just thought of something. Do you like Star Trek: The Next Generation? I ask because Picard always drinks, as he puts it, "Earl Gray, Hot," and that seems to be Behemoth's preferance.
Lol, glad someone caught on to that. There are quite a few little nods to various series in here. Didn't want to go too over board with them, but yeah. Good eye.
Date: 04/02/13 - 03:00 am Title: An Eventful Evening
So, if you happen to have some artistic talent and do comissions, and you believe some of what you read here would be good visually, let me know. Looking to get some images of these various shenanigans, and am of course willing to pay for your time and effort.